The Battlefield (The Shops At Fallen Timbers) – Mike “Photon” Bauer

Backblast: November 1st, 2025

AO: The Battlefield – The Shops at Fallen Timbers – Maumee, OH

PAX:
Photon – Q
Arcy
Bourbon
Coconut
Crawdad
Doubtfire
Djibouti
Golden Gate
Jersey
Norm
Quick Draw
Spaulding
Stark
Wipers

Workout: The Return Of The Thriller

FNG’s: N/A

Mission and Principles:
F3: Fitness, Fellowship, Faith
Mission: To plant, grow and serve small workout groups for men for the invigoration of male community leadership.
The core principles of F3 are that it is always:
1. Free of charge
2. Open to all men
3. Held outdoors, rain or shine, heat or cold
4. Led by men who participate in the workout in a rotating fashion, with no training or certification necessary. You versus you. Modify or stop an exercise if you need to. The most important thing is that nobody gets hurt.
5. Ends with a Circle of Trust
Credo: Leave no man behind but leave no man where you find him

Warm-up: In cadence to music

Sumo Squats (2 is 1) – 10
Gore Claps (2 is 1) – 10

The “Thang”:

This was a 12-round ladder workout where a new rung was added to the ladder each round, each rung being an exercise out of the plank position. After each round, all PAX ran a four-tier suicide and held Al Gore while waiting for the 6 to finish. For the work portion, the PAX lined up side-by-side about 6 feet apart from one another in three lines drawn off by three sets of cones. This spacing was used to ensure every PAX had enough space to perform the Thriller routine without any collisions. On the Qs count the routine started, with YHC calling out cadence throughout its entirety. During the last 4-count of each “rung” in the routine, the Q also called out what the next movement/exercise would be in the progression. This continued until the routine was complete for any given round. Run the suicides and repeat until entire routine was built and run in succession. The culmination of this was a 1:30 minute, in cadence routine performed by all PAX, from the plank position, to the backing Thriller track.

Dance exercise were as follows…and yes, they were included to try and mimic the dance moves MJ actually used in the video. Notices that Mountain Climbers were replaced with Peter Parkers and Plank Punches with Travoltas for this one. Both gave a little more flair to the routine.

Rd. Reps
1.) Forward Bear Crawl Slow/fast: 4/8
2.) T-Cross Hand Release Merkin: 4
3.) Zebra Butt Kick (2 is 1): 4
4.) Kick Through (2 is 1): 4
5.) Plank Skier (2 is 1) 4
6.) Plank Jack Shoulder Tap (2 is 1): 4 (waterfall from 3rd row)
7.) Lateral Bear Crawl Right/left: 8/8
8.) Reverse Flying Squirrel 4
9.) Travolta (2 is 1): 4
10.) Peter Parker (2 is 1) 4
11.) Pickle Pounder (2 is 1): 4
12.) Plank Compass: 16

After the final round, there was an encore where YHC provided an opportunity for another PAX to lead the cadence calls. Coconut was up for the call and performed it beautifully.

Ended with:
Count-O-Rama: 14
Name-O-Rama

The Six – Quick Draw

LDP3

Ball of Man

Spreadsheets from the Gloom: If you thought that “Thriller” couldn’t get any better, you were wrong. If you thought “Thriller couldn’t get any harder, you were wrong. This was the one. The best run-through of this beatdown so far, and there is video to prove it. Peter Parkers and Travoltas are harder than the exercises they replaced and moving Flying Squirrels up to an earlier round ensured fatigue set in faster than ever. And that’s not even mentioning the waterfall…

What a great addition. There were definitely some concerns that adding a waterfall/cascade during a particular exercise would end in disaster, but the PAX stepped up and nailed it during the plank jack shoulder taps. 1 measure of just the 3rd row, then the 2nd row jumped in, and finally the front row. Timing synced up with the frequency of claps in the Thriller track and resulted in a visual-sonic bliss. Seriously…just watch the video and bask in its greatness, including the timing of the song finale itself. The front row was absolutely on fire for the full run through.

This is my absolute favorite beatdown and it continues to get better every time it’s run. I truly appreciate the enthusiasm for the idea and the participation of the PAX during each and every run through. It’s that kind of energy that encourages me to want to keep upping the ante on these beatdowns

As I’ve said before, this beatdown will be back. It is THE Halloween beatdown of the Swamp now. But the approach is still just getting started. There are currently two installments in the books with another 5 planned. MJ is here to stay.

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *